Privacy Policy
Bear, the site admin – honestly couldn’t give a flying shit about GDPR. He has significantly more terrible things to concern himself with, namely;
Hunting Season, smashing up bee hives to get honey, when to hibernate, deforestation, escaping angry bees, hunters (yes I know, this is duplication but he worries about hunting a lot) and copulating. Seriously, if Bear had to list the top 100 things he gives a fuck about, GDPR wouldn’t get a look in.
Anyhoo – I asked Bear to detail how data gets collected, transmitted, how we use cookies etc. Apart from him misunderstanding the bit about cookies, (he thought I had some and he went bat-shit-crazy when he found out what I was talking about) – he agreed to put paw to paper and detail what he does with your deets.
Bear knows that he has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” when he talks about GDPR, so this might be the shortest privacy policy on the net. The following is his response.
1. Your Data
This website exists only to capture pictures of Bears on their mother-fucking-holidays, so yes, we will process your pictures of Bears, right here on these pages, for as long as we damn well want. (Ed. bit aggressive isn’t it?)
If you ask us to stop showing your bear pictures by emailing us at admin@bearsonholiday.co.uk then we’ll probably ignore the email – because seriously, who changes their mind about Bear pictures. Grow up.
2. Cookies, tracking and social media
What has Facebook ever done for Bears. Nothing – we despise Facebook, (nearly as much as Bear hunters) so we don’t track you with their shit pixel tracking tools, or track your use to try and sell you shit on Facebook or anywhere else for that matter.
If you use Facebook you deserve to be very badly mauled by an 800lb angry kodiak. There, I said it. (Ed, everything OK at home Bear?)
(Ed. Bear refused to write anything about cookies, he was still too angry that I hadn’t actually bought him any. We do use cookies on the site. If you never want the internet to work properly again, you should definitely go ahead and block all cookies – and see how that works out for you. Go on, try it. But not before you’ve deleted your Facebook account and regained some kind of semblance of reality.
3. Purchases
You can’t purchase anything on this site, so of course we don’t store any payment information, seriously, what were you thinking, you total dick. (Ed, seriously Bear, this anger level is really excessive, you might want to calm-the-fuck-down)
4. You rights
You have the right to be deleted if you want, or submit a subject access request, all of that good GDPR stuff, just email us at admin@bearsonholiday.co.uk and we’ll literally ignore you for like, ever.
Seriously we can’t even remember why this site exists, I think it was about caching, oh yeah, it was an experiment on how much load an image heavy site could handle under different image caching approaches.
But now, none of the Bears can remember anything about how the site works, so in reality your data is pretty safe – I mean, if we can’t remember how to get to it, you’re golden.
5. Other
We hate twitter as well, seriously that’s bad for your health.
(Well, that was a fascinating yet alarming peek inside Bear’s head – I won’t ask him to do anything like this again, ever)